Thursday, July 23, 2009


Gray: of a color between white and black; having a neutral hue.

What's clear to me when dating is that nothing is ever clear until the actions of two people match the words they utter. Assuming we are talking about an average guy average girl situation(although my friends and I are nothing close to average), women tend to place us guys in a couple categories…

1)Not Interested 2) Cute 3) Fine/Hot/Pretty Boy

The “Not interested” category usually consist of not having enough money, not showing enough money or not looking good on the surface to the woman. The guy could really be cool for her but the guy has absolutely no shot with that women. Basically, if you walk up to a girl and open your mouth to say, “Excuse me…” ,she’ll interrupt you and say she has a boyfriend, and you’ll finish the sentence you started by saying, “…can you move over so I can buy a drink?”

The cute guys instantly go into the gray area. At no fault of their own…since birth they have been designated gray. I know…I know…guys are saying, “Well, I was born brown, dark, light”…yeah, but women are color blind and to them you are gray…face it!

Hot guys (from a women’s point of view) start off totally black and are in great position until you tell the girls that you have a girlfriend or are dating several chicks. The thing I have noticed is that with the hot guy, women really don’t care about the hot guy's disposition… So, I would say just to “do you” because they’ll be down for just about whatever.


It is amazingly interesting to me that women tend to talk about wanting a good guy, yet they fall for the guy that is all wrong for them. I recently spoke with this girl whom I’ve dated recently and she told me about this ass hole guy who’s in a relationship with one of her girls. So, I said most women don’t want the nice guy, they want the ass hole…so do you? She said no I don’t and they don’t. I remained quite…then she proceeded to confess that I was right and pointed out that she fell for the ass hole guy and got married and eventually got divorced. I am not judging her, but merely explaining the black area.


The guys who are deemed “Not interested” can find women of course. There’s a woman for everyone. These guys typically can overcome their looks with superior confidence or take a job in a call center and meet a “nice” chick because they see each other everyday and looks and personality go out the window in the workplace. Now, don’t act like you have never seen a nice chick with a scrub and wondered how did that happen??? Some would say Janet and Jermaine…some would say Jay-Z and Beyonce…on a non-celebrity level of course. P.S. It works the other way too!

Gray…Thou Art Gray:

I’ll start the theme section with excerpts from a conversation I had with my boy about women…

“How do we get in the gray area?”

I think they put us in a gray area upon the first meeting. You ever went out on a date with a chick and thought that her body language didn't tell you much. Like she was laughing and talking to you, but you couldn't tell if she like you or not. Gray Area. I've had that before.

Here are some reasons women will put you in the gray area:
1.) They find you moderately attractive/cute
2.) They are just getting out of a relationship
3.) They are talking to other guys who have similar qualities as you
4.) They haven't been moved either way by you
5.) They put up an initial wall for guys who they don't consider "FINE!"

“She found me moderately attractive?”

The fact that she didn't call you back means that you didn't in her eyes do anything to appeal to her.

Yo, A friend of mine went like 4 numbers... two, he’s till talking to now...why?

He talked to two for an extensive period of time and both of the women found something about him that was appealing. The other two...didn't have much to go on...and since he may have been just cute to them, they didn't feel compelled to answer when he called. Grey! I don't know, because if we go by the reason I stated above about why we are in the grey area, then that's nothing we can really control. So…no, if a girl puts us there, then we're there. Now, the question is, knowing that we are there, how do we get out? See, that's tough too because a lot of the ways to get out may not be in our personality or physical make-up.

“We can only control what we can control and we should not focus/concentrate on things that are out of our hands. Can that mentality be the final answer to any disturbing situation with any woman? Does it end there or does it start there?”

I've never worried about being in the gray area. I knew I was there in the past but just didn't call it a gray area. I would refer to the gray area with this statement, "I don't know if she's into me." What does it mean if a woman gives gray area guy her number and doesn’t answer or doesn’t call? Well, she probably does that all the know...go out, give her number out just so she can have someone new calling her. But she's probably seeing someone or not interested.

In general, the only way to not be in a gray area is to put the woman in the gray area. This way, it doesn’t matter either way what she does. If working out isn’t in you…don’t do it. If flashing money isn’t you…don’t do it. Timing is very important…

Gray area is important to recognize. Keep dating until a woman shows you she’s different than what you’re used to. Never lose site of the gray area. Note: It’s possible to overcome the gray area, but if you feel you are overextending or if you have to ask your boy if he thinks your girl is interested in you…she’s not interested and you shouldn’t be cool with being gray.


That’s not my favorite color anyway…is it anyone’s?

Note: This doesn't apply to all women...just most.


  1. Well, very long, lot to touch on, but I'll start with saying that I thought you may feel like your were a hopeless, pathetic, low self esteem, (should I go on + I know you so I know better) man, but I continued to read and you recovered with making the women feel like they're in the gray. Great attitude to have because in my experiences even if I initiate convo it's in the back of my mind that she got her hair did, nails done, and that outfit for this occasion for me to approach her. So it wouldn't bother me to to be politely turned down or "put in the gray" because it's her loss. If upon your she gave you mixed signals or you felt she "put you in the gray" she's either making you work for it or really isn't interested.

    Ooooooooo, body laguage. Some people read it very well people & others just don't have it. I'm one that's been blessed with gift of reading it very well (it scares me sometime). If you body language the gray area doesn't exist because you you're either hot or not based off her body language.

    I'm kinda busy Ill finish tomorrow

  2. Many times, as a result of a lack of self-confidence and a strong desire to please man instead of God, one can unknowingly place himself in a 'gray category.' For example, attempting to gain the attention or approval of the opposite sex by lowering your moral standards merely to be noticed or accepted; only to find out that that individual whom you have struggled to please is still not satsified with you because in his/her heart and mind you'll never be that 'perfect' person. Face it! Perfect people do not exist on this earth. So, would'nt it be reasonable to say maybe that every individual has a touch of 'gray?' Some people accept this reasoning, concentrate on their God given talents and traits and 'move on' in life to become happy, fulfilled creatures. Biblical scripture indicates that we were all 'fearfully and wonderfully made' by our heavenly Father. One should truly believe this and focus on this in order to gain the confidence and strength that is needed when attempting to establish new realtionships with the opposite gender.
    On the other hand,in some cases, a person's perception of being 'caught up' entirely in the 'gray area' is not really the same perception that others may share. FJM -7/24/09

  3. Wow, I was reading this and I realized that I am one of the women who put men in the "gray area". I don't think all women intentionally try to place men in the gray area it's just a natural habit. It's simular to judging a book by its cover without reading it. We look at a man and assume their like someone from our past. Like you said, "Keep dating them until they show you their different than what your use to".

    Most women are afraid of being hurt and dissappointed so of course they began to build a wall of protection. So now every man they meet has to try their hardest to knock that wall down. Either a man is going to get fustrated and move on or either their going to try to stick in their. Most women catergorize men because we assume that the man is doing the same.

    Also, your right we shouldn't give guys our number by just trying to be nice. The moment we tell you we're not interested it's like we committed a crime (so now the judging begins). Their are the men who can understan "Im not interested" and their are those who can't.

    I am going to stop now, but I enjoyed reading this blog.

  4. GET the GRAY out of my life!!!

    "In general, the only way to not be in a gray area is to put the woman in the gray area.”

    Props....NOT REALLY
    If black or white is the antithesis of the "gray" area, well then let's just say that gray = lack of clarity. Cool?

    Based on the premise that the gray area is describing a situation or circumstance that is unclear or as described in this blog, “I don't know if she's into me," then let's take time to ponder on why the lack of clarity…

    Since the gray area or "grey" area is clearly a circumstance that can NOT exist as described in your blog post, without the involvement of at least 2 individuals (you and someone else) AND the lack of clarity with regard to one’s feelings for the other, is it fair to say that individuals BRING WITH THEM the GRAY AREA? And that the gray DOES NOT in fact TRULY exists between two people, but in FACT, exist w/in the individuals themselves?

    To this end, let's examine the creation of the GRAY area:

    Option A) An individual male or female who has failed to see clear due to their own circumstances, i.e. bad experiences, poor judgment, immaturity, lack of self esteem, etc.

    Option B) An individual male or female uncertain about what they want in/from a relationship

    Option C) An individual male or female not yet confident enough to make a CHOICE

    I believe that any of these options could be a possible answer and furthermore, that the list of options provided above is incomplete.
    Instead of pointing fingers, what if the gray area is truly about one’s own self examination and self improvement?

    Which leads us to a similar conclusion...she/he may just simply not be the one for/ into you.

    Conversely, judging an individual on the gray area is judging the individual’s place in life, which given that we don’t always have all the facts may be just down-right unfair.

    As a single woman who has a healthy dating life, I've gotten to know what I like, don't like, will tolerate, won't, will compromise, won't and so forth.

    However, most importantly, I've come to know myself and have come to truly love myself. This my friends, is why there is NO GRAY AREA WITH ME, instead simple and sometimes difficult choices of Yes or No. And the reality is that I can say YES and he can say NO…and that is what I call LIFE and TIMING.

    Total obliteration of the gray area comes with self love. WE must love ourselves first and I promise, at that point, the Gray area is NO MORE!

    "Man down, HOLLA!" -Frankie (BET, ask somebody) LOL

  5. Nice One Dog!!! They put you in the Gray Area. When you know, you know, right?